The hazy sun

Have you heard of the hazy sun? It’s when your eyes are bathing in tears of words not spoken, regrets not lived, unforgiven selves, hearts bursting with the first taste of Divine love.

So what does it really look like?

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It’s this huge space body that looks like a small orange ball standing fiercely against the blue and white of the sky, peeking at you from amongst the trees or from behind the clouds, trying to shy you away, almost daring you to look at it straight in the eye and question it’s purpose of existence so that it can snap back at you with a “Why are you here?” It’s at that exact moment of eternity that all those wicked moments of your life corner you – like you’re in the boxing ring and your opponent has punched you right in the nose – and every mistake that you’ve ever made, every piece of yourself that you’ve lost in the circus of  pretentiousness, every minute that you’ve wasted mocking others, every thought you’ve invested in planning your own loss, slaps you right across your face. It’s more like letting loose a hungry lion from its cage. What happens when you’re slapped? It hurts. So you hurt. Except that it’s not your cheek that cries out to the pain-receptors, it’s your heart. And then the tear glands do their magic and your eyes become misty and beautiful – they become misty and the sun becomes hazy and you can not see the light at the end of the tunnel; they become beautiful because that’s what grief does,  and because black and white are royal and because sometimes, you just need to let your heart breathe. And then out of nowhere, you receive the hug from God that reminds you that you exist – that on this day, of this month, of this year, you have mattered to the Lord of those who think they are lords. As you recognise that realisation coming at you, your eyes become even mistier and even more beautiful. And the sun becomes even hazier. It’s a gorgeous sight, though, and a feeling to be treasured forever. Because “Among His Signs are the Night and the Day, and the Sun and the Moon”.  (41:37 – Surah Fussilat) The night and the day, and the sun and the moon. Really, why do we need them?


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