It’s strange isn’t it, how our narratives unfold? It’s a very surprising journey from the expected to the unexpected, from realising — with an existential jolt — that what we need is superior to what we want. It’s very simple, but like all simple things, we realise it after the hour is gone. I thought I needed ‘that’ when in fact, what I needed was ‘this’. The criss-cross of our narratives makes a beautiful patchwork on the map of this universe and takes us to lands that we hadn’t even dreamt of. And this is a realisation that I’m struck with every time I look back and gaze at the paths that I’ve walked, the people I’ve met, the stories I’ve lived, the reflection of Eve that I’ve now become.
It’s a realisation that calmly overwhelms me when I stand up in front of the patients — the responsibility of a future physician beginning to weigh more than the stethoscope hanging around my neck — listening to their story of how the pain doesn’t let them sleep at night, that they’ve had it ever since their eldest child graduated, that they never bothered to get it checked before, that it’s a pain that comes and goes at odd hours. And this is a realisation that will hit me many times during my life. And I’m glad it will. I’m glad it will because the journey ahead really does seem exciting because of the uncertainty. A year ago, I would have said ‘despite’ the uncertainty. But now I’ll say ‘because of’ the uncertainty. Yes. To survive patriarchy, to survive the game of broken hearts, to survive through the harsh seasons, it’s best to become friends with this uncertainty because I know I can’t win the battle of life otherwise.
I don’t want to kill the stars to get to the moon.
So I’ll hug stoicism like an old buddy and whisper to myself the words of Muzaffar Warsi, as sung by Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, “Koi tou hai jou nizaam-e-hasti chala raha hai”.
(Someone is there Who is managing the order of life).
Yes, Someone is there.